The stupid meds [as I am now referring to them as] aren't working.
I had a dosage increase about 8 weeks ago as things were't going ery well, and have since had another dosage so am now on max dosage for that AD drug.
I just saw a group on Facebook as I was opening this up to write called "Sometimes it's easier to pretend everything is ok, than explain why everything isn't" That is EXACTLY how I feel at the moment.
Trying to tell people why and how the meds are making me feel crap is just too hard. I'm often saying "Surviving" when people ask how I am, but of course no-one is game to ask anything else as depression is such a taboo subject in our society.
I've also started a cognitive behavioural therapy group at the hospital. today was week 2 and I ended up fibbing and leaving early as todays sessions wasn't very helpful [for me]..
Joel has been working an insane amount of overtime lately. I'll be thankful when his work finally hire some more staff so he doesn't have to work as much.
The older two girls are off to Nanna & Poppa's this Thursday until Sunday (Mothers day). I am really looking forward to the break and a chance to catch up on sleep, sewing, cleaning, decluttering and relaxing. Anything and everything that can't be done easily with three girls hanging off me!!!
Adios for now. Am dragging arse off couch to go make dinner... Looooong day!!!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
So I haven't posted for awhile....
I haven't posted in awhile.. Not that I have 1000 followers or anything to have to keep updated LOL!
I've been feeling shit. Really shit. I don't think the medication is working very well, infact I know it's not. The Dr won't reasses for another 2weeks, because by then I will have been on them for 6weeks and they should be in full affect by then. I've been snappy, grumpy and loosing my patience too easily like I "used" too. I struggle to not get frustrated, and I know I'm not as bad as I was but I know there is a lot that could improve.
The GP told me about this website called Mood Gym. I started doing it but I really need to make sure I keep doing it. It's cognitive behavioral therapy that helps to retrain your brain to think more positively. Might seem cheesy but apparently it works. Same kind of idea as the list of things to be thankful for that I really need to make sure I do everynight.
I had a massive day yesterday. All day conference for Tupperware. Was very interesting, loaded with tonnes of recognition and freebies and gives me something to work towards with more inspiration now I saw IRL the 'things' that you can be rewarded with on top of the normal things.
Zahli went ot kindy this morning with Makaia and was really really upset. I was out all day yesterday from dawn till after dark at the conference and she must have really missed me and it showed today :( I felt so awful when I picked her up. Reinforced again, that there is a huge positive to being a SAHM when the kids are little. I know they would get 'used' to going to childcare and all that but for us it suits which is one reason I'm so thankful for the flexibility that my work and various activities gives me.
Evie is coming along in leaps and bounds. Lost my memory card temporarily so haven't taken any photos for a few days - doh! She is now sitting up unaided and has an elegant type of face plant / roll onto her side then belly when she falls over. She was sitting mesmerized by the P!NK funhouse DVD this afternoon for about 20mins straight. Very cute. She is growing up so fast. She is on solids also - 3 meals a day, which adds another dimension to my schedule. The older girls like helping feed her meals. Zahli doesn't get a lot in Evie's mouth but E thinks it is funny.
Makaia has been practicing her number writing the last few days. Her 5,6,7,8,9,10 are almost perfect. Her 5 looks a bit funny but shes' making huge progress. I think being at kindy is spuring her on a lot now. She has been practicing writing her name and has mastered the M, I, and A, but the K looks like an E missing the - in the middle LOL! Pretty good for a 4yr old still though I think. I am very proud of her :) She is constantly bringing home armfuls of paintings and crafts she has made - so now begins the task of working out how to store it and what to keep and what to chuck. A lot of it will make into a pile for wrapping paper (lucky kindy uses big sheets of paper) and will keep a few each term for sentimental reasons I think. She did the most funny drawing the other day of our 'family'. I shall take a photo to post when I refind the mystery memory stick
For now though I am shooting off to bed as I am knackered with a capital K!
Thankful...
#1 - For my new bedroom suite that will be arriving in the next few days
#2 - For Joel bringing home dinner tonight - Even if it was KFC and wasn't particularly healthy, meant I could make the kids something simple and eat my dinner in peace while it was still hot when they were in bed
#3 - For my Enjo delivery coming tomorrow. As one of my 'to do things' this year, I want to reduce our carbon footprint so buying Enjo and reducing the amount of cleaning chemicals we put back into the rivers and waterways from our cleaning is a part of this. I am planning on slowly building my collection, but for now have got the bathroom things and the window cleaner (my two big things I detest having dirty!)
xxx
I've been feeling shit. Really shit. I don't think the medication is working very well, infact I know it's not. The Dr won't reasses for another 2weeks, because by then I will have been on them for 6weeks and they should be in full affect by then. I've been snappy, grumpy and loosing my patience too easily like I "used" too. I struggle to not get frustrated, and I know I'm not as bad as I was but I know there is a lot that could improve.
The GP told me about this website called Mood Gym. I started doing it but I really need to make sure I keep doing it. It's cognitive behavioral therapy that helps to retrain your brain to think more positively. Might seem cheesy but apparently it works. Same kind of idea as the list of things to be thankful for that I really need to make sure I do everynight.
I had a massive day yesterday. All day conference for Tupperware. Was very interesting, loaded with tonnes of recognition and freebies and gives me something to work towards with more inspiration now I saw IRL the 'things' that you can be rewarded with on top of the normal things.
Zahli went ot kindy this morning with Makaia and was really really upset. I was out all day yesterday from dawn till after dark at the conference and she must have really missed me and it showed today :( I felt so awful when I picked her up. Reinforced again, that there is a huge positive to being a SAHM when the kids are little. I know they would get 'used' to going to childcare and all that but for us it suits which is one reason I'm so thankful for the flexibility that my work and various activities gives me.
Evie is coming along in leaps and bounds. Lost my memory card temporarily so haven't taken any photos for a few days - doh! She is now sitting up unaided and has an elegant type of face plant / roll onto her side then belly when she falls over. She was sitting mesmerized by the P!NK funhouse DVD this afternoon for about 20mins straight. Very cute. She is growing up so fast. She is on solids also - 3 meals a day, which adds another dimension to my schedule. The older girls like helping feed her meals. Zahli doesn't get a lot in Evie's mouth but E thinks it is funny.
Makaia has been practicing her number writing the last few days. Her 5,6,7,8,9,10 are almost perfect. Her 5 looks a bit funny but shes' making huge progress. I think being at kindy is spuring her on a lot now. She has been practicing writing her name and has mastered the M, I, and A, but the K looks like an E missing the - in the middle LOL! Pretty good for a 4yr old still though I think. I am very proud of her :) She is constantly bringing home armfuls of paintings and crafts she has made - so now begins the task of working out how to store it and what to keep and what to chuck. A lot of it will make into a pile for wrapping paper (lucky kindy uses big sheets of paper) and will keep a few each term for sentimental reasons I think. She did the most funny drawing the other day of our 'family'. I shall take a photo to post when I refind the mystery memory stick
For now though I am shooting off to bed as I am knackered with a capital K!
Thankful...
#1 - For my new bedroom suite that will be arriving in the next few days
#2 - For Joel bringing home dinner tonight - Even if it was KFC and wasn't particularly healthy, meant I could make the kids something simple and eat my dinner in peace while it was still hot when they were in bed
#3 - For my Enjo delivery coming tomorrow. As one of my 'to do things' this year, I want to reduce our carbon footprint so buying Enjo and reducing the amount of cleaning chemicals we put back into the rivers and waterways from our cleaning is a part of this. I am planning on slowly building my collection, but for now have got the bathroom things and the window cleaner (my two big things I detest having dirty!)
xxx
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Urban Dictionary
Apparently the "cool" thing at the moment is to write in your name here on UrbanDictionary
So I put my name (Melanie) in and this is what came up
"A name for a girl. french, means "dark". like dark hair, olive skin. people named melanie are always really pretty and super nice. just sexy, if you will. used to say it when seeing a pretty girl, but they obviously will never match up to her standards."
[and this]
Rather amusing I think! Some of my friends' ones have been extremely accurate! Mine, perhaps not so much... I sure wouldn't count myself as 'sexy'! Goodness! The meaning re: dark hair and olive skin is spot on though! That is the legit meaning of my name anyway (which I already knew)
Wednesdays' thankful
#1 - For Zahli having a nice morning at her first session of Occasional Care at Kindy
#2 - For lovely visitors this afternoon
#3 - For supportive friends who listen to my ramblings
#4 - For Makaia cuddling my arm whilst I am typing this <3
So I put my name (Melanie) in and this is what came up
"A name for a girl. french, means "dark". like dark hair, olive skin. people named melanie are always really pretty and super nice. just sexy, if you will. used to say it when seeing a pretty girl, but they obviously will never match up to her standards."
[and this]
"Melanie means dark lady in Greek. Awesome person and someone you should definitely get to know. Someone funny and loves to make people laugh. Isn't afraid to get embarrassed and a great friend. Hard to be serious at times, but she's always going to make the right choices in the end. A very lovely lady and great at pranks. Someone whose outgoing and willing to try new things. She's pretty, smart, hot, sexy, and etc.
everyone needs some Melanie in their lives!!
I love MELANIE!!"
I love MELANIE!!"
Rather amusing I think! Some of my friends' ones have been extremely accurate! Mine, perhaps not so much... I sure wouldn't count myself as 'sexy'! Goodness! The meaning re: dark hair and olive skin is spot on though! That is the legit meaning of my name anyway (which I already knew)
Wednesdays' thankful
#1 - For Zahli having a nice morning at her first session of Occasional Care at Kindy
#2 - For lovely visitors this afternoon
#3 - For supportive friends who listen to my ramblings
#4 - For Makaia cuddling my arm whilst I am typing this <3
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Tuesday
Long day.. so short post
Thankful for
#1 - Joel taking the girls for a walk to the park tonight : )
#2 - The yummy dinner I made
#3 - Mum coming to visit this afternoon and picking Kaia up from kindy on her way here
Tomorrow WILL be a better day...! Zahli is off to occasional care at the same kindy Makaia is at so I'm not quite sure what Evie and I will be doing yet. A bit nervous about leaving Zahli although I know she will be more than ok and enjoy herself! Something relaxing with Evie... Probably spending some one-on-one time with her when she isn't asleep (kindy run makes her really tired - poor darling!) perhaps some gardening and sewing.
Off to bed! Meds are messing with my sleep and making me feel exhausted constantly. Not much fun but it should improve : )
Thankful for
#1 - Joel taking the girls for a walk to the park tonight : )
#2 - The yummy dinner I made
#3 - Mum coming to visit this afternoon and picking Kaia up from kindy on her way here
Tomorrow WILL be a better day...! Zahli is off to occasional care at the same kindy Makaia is at so I'm not quite sure what Evie and I will be doing yet. A bit nervous about leaving Zahli although I know she will be more than ok and enjoy herself! Something relaxing with Evie... Probably spending some one-on-one time with her when she isn't asleep (kindy run makes her really tired - poor darling!) perhaps some gardening and sewing.
Off to bed! Meds are messing with my sleep and making me feel exhausted constantly. Not much fun but it should improve : )
Monday, February 1, 2010
Washing
I am probably the only strange person that finds hanging washing extremely therapeutic! I don't know if it's the motion of walking back and forth... being outside.... hearing the birds singing and the sun shining, or a combination of all of them.
The part I detest the most is folding the washing once I bring it in. Yes, I know I should fold it as I go but sometimes when it builds up I dump it on the lounge in the front loungeroom just so I can use the baskets again. Why not buy more baskets? Because that means I would never have an excuse to empty them ; )
Have missed a few days of my thankful lists (Forgot to take my medication on saturday so takes awhile for it to start working again so have been feeling a bit shit lately) so will try and catch up + todays ...
#1 - Thankful we were on time for kindy this morning (haven't been late once yet!)
#2 - Thankful for friends coming to visit today
#3 - Thankful for the sun shining and the nice weather
#4 - Thankful for the oppotunities that Tupperware is bringing me (stay tuned for more news on this!)
#5 - Thankful for Evie having a nice snooze this afternoon while I finished getting dinner ready (and still asleep)
#6 - Thankful Joel has a well paying job that means I am able to stay home every day with the girls and be fortunate enough to have the opportunity to take Makaia to and from kindy (instead of complaining about getting 3 kids at the car!)
#7 - Thankful for people who comment on my blog so I don't feel like I am constantly talking to myself
#8 - Thankful for ears that work so I can hear my children laughing right this moment
#9 - Thankful Zahli has toilet trained herself pretty much. Makaia caused us so much grief, it's nice to have it almost all over and done with without any real effort on our behalf!!!
#10 - Thankful I am going out to Sales Meeting tonight
Tomorrow Mum is coming over I think. Hopefully she picks Makaia up from kindy so I can get some things done around the house. The time slot is good but I don't get lots done before I have to put the girls back in the car and go back to pick her up. I guess I will get used to it though! We did make chocolate crackles and hung washing and tidied the house up while Makaia was at kindy..
Now I just have to find the owner of the missing hat that we thought was Maddisons, but apparently isn't!
Must drag arse off couch and into the bathroom to get ready for sales meeting tonight... *yawn*
: )
The part I detest the most is folding the washing once I bring it in. Yes, I know I should fold it as I go but sometimes when it builds up I dump it on the lounge in the front loungeroom just so I can use the baskets again. Why not buy more baskets? Because that means I would never have an excuse to empty them ; )
Have missed a few days of my thankful lists (Forgot to take my medication on saturday so takes awhile for it to start working again so have been feeling a bit shit lately) so will try and catch up + todays ...
#1 - Thankful we were on time for kindy this morning (haven't been late once yet!)
#2 - Thankful for friends coming to visit today
#3 - Thankful for the sun shining and the nice weather
#4 - Thankful for the oppotunities that Tupperware is bringing me (stay tuned for more news on this!)
#5 - Thankful for Evie having a nice snooze this afternoon while I finished getting dinner ready (and still asleep)
#6 - Thankful Joel has a well paying job that means I am able to stay home every day with the girls and be fortunate enough to have the opportunity to take Makaia to and from kindy (instead of complaining about getting 3 kids at the car!)
#7 - Thankful for people who comment on my blog so I don't feel like I am constantly talking to myself
#8 - Thankful for ears that work so I can hear my children laughing right this moment
#9 - Thankful Zahli has toilet trained herself pretty much. Makaia caused us so much grief, it's nice to have it almost all over and done with without any real effort on our behalf!!!
#10 - Thankful I am going out to Sales Meeting tonight
Tomorrow Mum is coming over I think. Hopefully she picks Makaia up from kindy so I can get some things done around the house. The time slot is good but I don't get lots done before I have to put the girls back in the car and go back to pick her up. I guess I will get used to it though! We did make chocolate crackles and hung washing and tidied the house up while Makaia was at kindy..
Now I just have to find the owner of the missing hat that we thought was Maddisons, but apparently isn't!
Must drag arse off couch and into the bathroom to get ready for sales meeting tonight... *yawn*
: )
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Something that makes me smile
My frangipani tree in my backyard!!!
My seriously most favourite favourite flower in the whole world. Has been for a long time! To me it represents the beach and the lifestyle that I love and grew up with..
I brought this tree last year from the local hardware store for a super steal of $10. It had flowers when I purchased it and has flowered again this year. They smell just divine and I can't wait until the tree is bigger and has lots lots more flowers on it : )
I am going to fetch a bigger (and nicer!) pot for it today from the hardware store and do some gardening and repot the other two smaller frangipani trees I have too. Our backyard is in full sun most of the day so a great place to grow them!! They like a little bit of neglect (haha!) so are the perfect plants for me who Joel always says is a black thumb and constantly killing everything ; )
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Blah!
I want to write a big massive vent about so much 'crap' that seems to encircle my life at the moment but seems rather pointless considering no-one reads this anyway!
But I will say, it's a massive kick in the guts when people who claim to be your friend turn their backs on you when you are struggling. In the last year I've "felt" like I have lost a fair few friends who seem to decide I'm not worth the effort or time to check up on. Why? Well I have no idea! I don't think I've done anything to 'deserve' it.... Blah! Blah! Blah! Easy to say "Oh you will get over it, they weren't worth your time" Hard to just get over it when you invest SO much time in supporting them!
Makaia started kindy yesterday. Wow. Where did 4 years go? I feel sad and frustrated that I feel like I've spent 4 years being shitty and pissed off. They are taking Zahli weekly for occasional care one morning to give me a bit of a break. I can't wait to just have one baby. I am not sure what we will do. Probably just hang out at home. How boring!
Three things i am thankful for today
#1 - That Makaia loves kindy and doesn't cry when I leave
#2 - For the chance to prune my rose bushes out the front this morning with Zahli's "help" whilst Evie slept
#3 - For the understanding lady at occasional care going beyond the norm to help me out by taking Zahli in weekly...
:)
But I will say, it's a massive kick in the guts when people who claim to be your friend turn their backs on you when you are struggling. In the last year I've "felt" like I have lost a fair few friends who seem to decide I'm not worth the effort or time to check up on. Why? Well I have no idea! I don't think I've done anything to 'deserve' it.... Blah! Blah! Blah! Easy to say "Oh you will get over it, they weren't worth your time" Hard to just get over it when you invest SO much time in supporting them!
Makaia started kindy yesterday. Wow. Where did 4 years go? I feel sad and frustrated that I feel like I've spent 4 years being shitty and pissed off. They are taking Zahli weekly for occasional care one morning to give me a bit of a break. I can't wait to just have one baby. I am not sure what we will do. Probably just hang out at home. How boring!
Three things i am thankful for today
#1 - That Makaia loves kindy and doesn't cry when I leave
#2 - For the chance to prune my rose bushes out the front this morning with Zahli's "help" whilst Evie slept
#3 - For the understanding lady at occasional care going beyond the norm to help me out by taking Zahli in weekly...
:)
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Oz-straylia Day 2010
So I missed a few days - doh! There goes that "50 things to do" this year goal out the window..
In my defence, I've been feeling insanely tired from the meds, messing with my sleep!
Have had a rough time adjusting to it all... It takes me a good couple of hours of feeling light headed before I feel "normal" again. Have completley lost my appetite (not a bad thing I suppose when I need to loose weight so desperately) but makes it hard to get motivated to eat anything! I have been trying to avoid soft drinks and cordial completely as I doubt the caffeine/food colourings were doing my health much good!
Tomorrow Makaia starts kindy full time so I am going to be heading to bed shortly and will take my meds as soon as I wake up so hopefully the worst of the light-headed-ness (is that a word?) has subsided by the time I have to do the kindy run. I had a spacing out moment the other week and had a close call car accident. Was quite scary. Have been trying to avoid driving since then! Don't want another car accident...
Here's some photos from today's Australia day...
Zahli "swimming" with Aunty TTina
Totally fearless - backwards into the pool.... Guess who is starting swimming lessons this week! LOL!
Just because it's a cool photo. Love my camera : )
Evie hanging out the side of the pool (literally) Checking out the ants...
Having a swim with Daddy
Somehow didn't get many of Makaia in the pool, but here was a quick snap of her glancing over Gandma's shoulder : )
This was tonight once we were home and the older two had carked it in bed (Zahli was in bed asleep at 5pm!)
Evie was 5months old on the 21st. Getting so big now. Time has gone SO fast since she was born. Makes me a little sad but I am looking forward to the next stage of 'babyhood' as no doubt this will soon pass also!
Her "fuzz" on her head. I have been asked SO many times if she is a boy. Doh! Just because she isn't blessed with the "hairy" gene doesn't mean she is a boy! Zahli had about this amount or less when she was Evie's age so I am not too phased
These next few below were taken Monday when Makaia and Zahli were up at Nanna & Poppa's house (Joel's parents). I had to go back to the GP to talk to her about how I'm going on the medication and how i've been feeling. All went well and I'm due back for another checkup and chat on the 8th feb. In the meantime just plod along taking the stuff and see the psychiatrist and have a chat with them. At least I'm making progress
Evie started solids the other week.. (My last post I think?) She's decided she likes Rusks. I hate the things!!! They are awfully messy and sticky and get thrown on the floor more times than I care to pickup! Need one of those dummychain type things so she can't throw it away.. haha!
Yes she scratched her own face BTW ; )
Don't often get photos of her smiling ... Such a gorgeous smile. So precious!
Check out the chubby arms... She is 8kgs already : )
Looking for the missing rusk - haha! Very funny. Notice my relatively new dining suite in the background? Got it just before Christmas. Still in love with it!!
As a part of my 'therapy' (is that what it is called?) my Dr asked me to write down 3 or more things every day that I am thankful for. To retrain my brain to think more postively instead of focusing on the negatives all the time. So here is today's thankful list (in no particular order)
#1 - For my beautiful children who continue to make me laugh and smile even when I'm not feeling 100%
#2 - For the lunch I didn't have to cook or prepare at Mum's today
#3 - For my washing machine that washes tonnes of clothes all at once so I don't have to do extra loads
#4 - For being forunate to live in this awesome country called Australia where life is so simple and carefree and we don't have to worry about the kinds of things that elsewhere is considered 'normal'
Adios for now! Off to hang washing and get Makaia's things ready for kindy in the morning! Stay tuned for photos of the big kindy girl tomorrow evening. Not sure what Zahli, Evie and myself will be doing! Perhaps going to the shops to find curtains for Evie's nursery. Will seem strange with one less child : )
Mxxx
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Twenty One Twenty Ten
Today we spent the day at the beach with my awesome sister :)
I have a lot to be thankful for. The clouds are slowly lifting and my brain and thinking seems to be improving, as well as my attitude. I really noticed it today compared to last time (pre-diagnosis) when we went to the beach...
Anyway... some photos! Practicing with my SLR Camera (Canon 450D)
Zahli throwing handfuls of wet sand
My fabulous sister with my three girls
Waves breaking over the sandbank
Zahli playing with the new sand set she got - makes bricks. Loving the clouds in the sky today. Gorgeous!
With her trowel and mold :)
Beach - totally unedited. Sky was so blue
Zahli again
Action shot of Makaia running away from the camera... Very hard to get nice photos of her... Goal for 2010 to improve on that
Boat rather close to shore and the sandbank.. hmmm....
EVIE!!! Has learnt to blow raspberries. Latest trick. Cute
Just chilling out in the water (Yes my kids wear loads of sunblock)
Watching the water and the fish swimming around
Favourite photo of today. Tan. Water droplets. Rockin' Bathers. Beautiful daughter.
Lone kayaker in the shallows
Tonight heralded the start of solids for bubba girl Evie... Rice cereal of course.
"WHAT THE..." - hehe
Just relaxin' in my Antilop
Makaia wanted to have a turn feeding the baby (excuse the crap on the bench in the background - sister took these shots - blaming her!)
Evie thought it was pretty funny. Ate more for Makaia then she did for me...
Zahli had to have a go as well of course
Aiming for the mouth
Success!
Having a taste of a rusk. Not a huge fan of rusks here. They make so much mess! Check out her rolls. She's almost 8kgs at 5mnths. Very very healthy baby! Considering Kaia was 4.8kgs @ 6mnths Evie seems huge to me.
Totally knackered after a big day at the beach...
Sweet dreams my beautiful perfect princess xxxx
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